I attended a support group for partners affected by traumatic birth experiences. For the first time, I heard my own fears reflected back at me by strangers. The confusion. The loneliness. The unspoken grief over how different things felt from what we had imagined.
I learned that trauma doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like silence. Distance. Avoidance.
That evening, when Ryan came home, I told him I knew.
I told him I followed him.
I told him we didn’t have to carry this separately.
For the first time in weeks, he looked at Lily without fear in his eyes. He reached for her hand and held it gently.
Where We Are Now
We are both in counseling now. Together and individually.
Ryan holds our daughter every morning. He talks to her. He smiles without flinching. And I no longer feel alone in my recovery.
What I learned is this: sometimes, love doesn’t disappear. It hides behind fear. And sometimes, the scariest part of becoming parents isn’t what happens in the delivery room, but what follows when no one teaches you how to heal.
We are healing now. Together.
And I finally believe that we will be alright.
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